Closer
by Katzilla
Summary: A sequel to A Rohan Ghost Story In the wake of the attempted assassination, there are still many ghosts left to battle for Éomer. But first, he has to realise that he doesn't stand alone in this fight...
1. Éomer

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_**Disclaimer: **_

_All characters and locations in this story have sprung from J.R.R. Tolkien's imagination. As much as I would like to own Éomer, I don't. But there's nothing wrong with having a little fun with him, right?_

_**Warnings:** _

_Nothing disturbing in this fic (at least I think so), so it should be suitable for everybody. _

_**Author'sNotes**_

_Many readers commented after reading "A Rohan Ghost Story" and "Twilight of the Gods" (also on this site), that they would be interested in reading more about Éomer's recovery and the time he spent at Imladris together with Lothíriel. It took me a while until inspiration hit me (thank you, Vandala!) , but I do hope you enjoy this rather melancholic piece. As always, feedback will be most appreciated!_

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**CLOSER**

**Chapter 1**

He woke with a start, the words and last images of his dream so vivid he could hear the cries of the wounded and the dying as they stumbled through the streets, their eyes wide with terror and reflecting the raging fire that raised the village of Isendras to the ground. He could even smell the smoke.

_You should not have encouraged them, my lord." _

Grima's voice. Accusatory, pretending grief. That accursed silken sound, snaking its way into his ears and into his mind; where it had nestled in and then sprouted hooks and claws to prevent that it could ever be removed again.

Squeezing his eyes shut in a vain attempt to force the torturous memory out of his head, Éomer rolled onto his back and ran a hand over his sweat-beaded face and through his damp hair. For a while, nothing existed apart from the thunder of his own heartbeat and his suppressed rapid breaths. The dreams ought to be gone by now, he thought. Eight months had passed since his captivity, but to his dismay he found now that with the slow healing of his body, the nightmares had likewise gained strength. The hole in his shoulder had almost healed by now; good friends like Aragorn and Elfhelm had been there for him in the time of his need; Éowyn had travelled the distance from Ithilien to Edoras to help his recovery, and only four months ago, he had wedded the daughter of Prince Imrahil of Dol Amroth in a ceremony which had left nothing to be desired. So much good had happened to him in the wake of his captivity, so why was he not dreaming of these events instead of screaming and bleeding people and accusations which ripped his soul apart every night?

Éomer waited a moment longer for his accelerated breathing to subside, before he turned to see whether his unconscious reactions to the dream had woken his wife. He was thankful to find Lothíriel still asleep; her breathing deep and regular, with no indication that she was sensing her husband's distress. For a moment, the sight of her peaceful form painted a faint smile onto his gaunt face as the Rohirrim King regarded his wife with all the wonder of a man who cannot comprehend how he has deserved so much good in life. How could she be his? Was this a dream within the dream, and Lothíriel just the product of his fevered mind, gone once he woke from it? Four months into their marriage, he was still afraid that it was so, and not even the silken sensation of her hair underneath his fingertips entirely convinced Éomer, as he moved his hand gingerly over the black, shimmering tresses on her pillow. Part of the dark flood had fallen over her face, and once again Éomer found himself gazing spellbound at Lothíriel's delicate features, silently admiring the slightly slanted cut of her eyes, her high and noble cheekbones and the full lips, slightly parted in sleep. _His wife_.

When his friend Imrahil of Dol Amroth had first mentioned the possibility of a union of their two countries in such a way, Éomer had been sceptical. A political marriage was a foreign idea to the Rohirrim, who were a passionate and straightforward people. Choosing a partner for life was a matter of the heart, not of considerations regarding ones own standing or political implications. The thought of sharing a house and bed with a person one didn't love was unknown in the Riddermark. And yet, Éomer had not outright rejected the Prince's suggestion. He knew how much his friend loved and cared for his children; he would take all measures possible to ensure that his daughter found happiness. And he had already made the acquaintance of Lothíriel's brothers and had found them pleasant and enjoyable company. There was no reason for him to believe that their sister would be different. And Imrahil would never have made the suggestion had he felt that the two of them would not be a match.

The business had been of the utmost delicacy. Not wanting to insult his friend, Éomer had bided his time, even though he had felt most unsure. Marry a woman he didn't know? A woman he had never seen or spoken with? She wasn't even from Rohan! How could the lifestyle of the Mark suit a young woman who had spent her entire life at a noble Gondorian court? It was hard to imagine.

And yet, deep within his mind, the knowledge that his own sister would soon leave and he would be utterly alone for the first time in his life had made him susceptible to Imrahil's proposal. Even though Éowyn had still been present at the time of his decision and his first days as ruler of his people had been filled with work, the notion of loneliness had already settled in his thoughts to taunt him at night. The truth was that nothing, not even their desperate charge against the Dark Lord's army on the Pelennor Fields, had frightened Éomer as much as the prospects of losing Éowyn. She was the last of his kin, his little sister he had fought to protect his entire life. With her gone, who would be there to talk to, to understand his worries and needs? Who would be there for him to confide the things to he would never tell anybody else? More than once had he cursed the Prince of Ithilien in these long hours for stealing Éowyn away from him, at the same time knowing how selfish and ungrateful he was being to think so. After all, it had been Faramir as much as Aragorn who had given his sister back to him cured from her despair, and full of life and joy again. For that deed, the Steward of Gondor could have asked anything from him, and that he would ask for the treasure he had rescued was only fair. No, as daunting as the prospects of losing Éowyn were, Éomer had decided that he would not stand between her and happiness. Somehow, he would have to succeed in finding happiness for himself, and somewhere in these long dark nights of endless pondering, he had reached his decision.

A slow, loving smile spread over Éomer's face as he regarded Lothíriel's peaceful futures. He had been wrong to ever doubt Imrahil. The Prince knew people well, and apparently, had seen right through him. It was a wonder how close Éomer already felt with his wife after only four months. Lothíriel had been shy when she had first arrived in Edoras on the day before their wedding. Shy, but unafraid. A creature so delicate and graceful that Éomer had at once felt the need to protect her, even though, as he found out in the course of the next weeks, she wasn't nearly as vulnerable as her appearance had led him to believe. Her manners had been so impeccable that Éomer himself had felt like a brute next to her, even though he had tried to be at his gallant best. And Lothíriel had honoured his efforts by granting him little smiles here and there, increasingly more often the more she felt as ease around him. Her quiet friendliness and willingness to learn about the way of Rohan life had won the people of his household over, and just before they had gone on their great journey north to Imladris to both introduce the queen to the people and cure their king of the after-effects of his captivity, Lothíriel had begun to make the first, slight rearrangements in Meduseld. It had been little things only, like having flowers brought twice a week to decorate the rooms with and lighten the grave mood in the ancient hall, but the fact that Lothíriel had undertaken them had told Éomer that she had finally begun to settle down and feel at home. In a way, it was regrettable that they had left for Rivendell at this time, thus interrupting this process; and yet to his great joy, Éomer had found that his wife's efforts to settle into the new situation had focussed on him in these foreign surroundings. Knowing that the reason for their visit at Lord Elrond's domain was to cure her husband from the damage done to him both spiritually and bodily by an old enemy a few months prior to their wedding, Lothiriel was doing everything she could to help the process and be as close to him as possible.

The smile dropped from his lips. It had been a strange discovery for Éomer to find that that was where their closeness ended. To their shared frustration, he felt unable to speak to her about the events which had almost cost his life. About the guilt he felt for the death of so many people, and the shame for crimes he knew by now he hadn't even committed. At first, he had kept it inside, the fierce warrior inside of him afraid of letting people know of his vulnerability, hoping that the memory would fade with the passing of time, as it had happened with the many horrible events in his life. The death of his parents, the decline of his uncle into madness through the poison of the White Wizard and his minion Wormtongue and even Théoden's death. The loss of Théodred and the battles of the Hornburg, the Pelennor and the Black Gates, the intensity of all that had already faded to the point where he could talk about it. And yet the things Gríma had whispered into his ears while he had been under the influence of his poison refused to fade to mere memory. After all these months, they were still haunting him in his sleep, and the weakness of his injured shoulder reminded him of it during the daytime. It had gotten to the point where he had no longer been able to pretend his wellbeing to the people around him, and finally Gamling had convinced him to follow the suggestion Aragorn had made about seeing Lord Elrond for help and taking his wife along. The time they were spending together away from home helped to intensify their closeness, and yet the barricade to his innermost thoughts could not be penetrated.

As if she was feeling his attention, Lothíriel stirred ever so slightly in her sleep, an involuntary and almost inaudible sigh escaping her lips, and delicately arched eyebrows were briefly drawn together in concern as if she had read his thoughts.

"Éomer?" The one hand that was already lying on his side stretched a little further in her unconscious search, and he took it and gently brushed his lips over her fingers, murmuring soothingly, for he felt that she was close to waking, but not quite awake yet. "Where are you?"

"Sssh..." he made, the words barely whispers in the silence of their room. "I am here, Lothíriel. Go back to sleep." He kissed the tips of her fingers and saw her satisfied reaction in the slowly spreading smile on her face. His heart felt a little lighter.

"I was dreaming... you had gone away." The smile faded and was replaced by an expression of vague sadness.

"It was only a dream, my love. I am here, and I will not leave you. Ever." His gaze resting intently on her face, Éomer kissed her fingers again, slowly watching Lothíriel sink back into the deeper reaches of sleep. When he was certain that she would not wake, he cautiously laid her hand back onto the sheet and sat up. Finding rest any time soon was out of the question, and lying on his back staring at the ceiling with nothing to distract his mind from the awful sounds and images which had woken him was the last thing he wished for, so he stood up. The coolness of the marble floor underneath his naked feet was soothingly realistic as he silently slipped into his shirt and trousers. At the door, he cast one last look back at Lothíriel. She seemed to be dreaming again, for her eyes were moving behind their lids, and her brow again creased. Hoping that he was not the source of his wife's unconscious worry, Éomer slipped out of the luxurious chambers Lord Elrond had given them for their stay in Rivendell, and soundlessly closed the door behind him. For a moment, he listened into the silence. Apart from the distant sound of the river, everything remained quiet, and he turned to follow the muffled rushing of the water.

The corridor and halls he passed through seemed deserted, but the last three weeks they had spent here had taught him that elves never slept. Even though none of their hosts had mentioned his nightly forays in their conversations, Éomer's own instincts were acute enough to tell him that they knew about them. Sensing into the darkness, the Rohirrim King silently stepped out onto the great terrace overlooking the waterfall. Its mighty voice was soothing in its monotony, and the moonlight danced on the falling water like a living thing, for a moment entrancing him as he stared into the silver sparkling. How often had he stood here in the middle of the night since their arrival? How often had he searched for peace of mind in the falling waters of the Bruinen without finding it? And would there ever come a time when the river's voice would drown out those of the dying people of the village of Isèndras, who had sacrificed themselves for him? Soundlessly sighing to himself, Éomer stared into the flood, suddenly feeling an unexplainable pull toward it. Down there, all worries would end. All nightmares would cease in the river's cool embrace...

"You should speak with her," a grave voice suddenly woke him from his reverie, and as he turned around with the speed of a man caught at a forbidden act and with a guilty conscience for his bleak thoughts, Éomer found himself looking into the ageless eyes of his mighty host. Heat crept into his face at the elf's scrutiny, and Éomer wondered how much Elrond could read in his expression.

"My Lord?"

There was an incredible depth to the grey eyes regarding him. He felt naked under their stare. What could he possibly hide from the ancient being? For his friend Aragorn, dealings with the elves were normal, nothing out of the ordinary, but although he had fought at their side in the great battle, Éomer still felt awkward around them. Like a child in the presence of esteemed warriors with endless experience.

"You know of whom I speak." Elrond said quietly. "You shut her out, and it is helping neither you nor her. She is desperate to help you, but you won' let her in. Yet even the mighty King of Rohan might have to resort to means he would not have taken into consideration before to cure himself of the damage done. I can only help you to a certain degree. I can do something about your wounded shoulder. Healing your wounded spirit is something only you and the people you care for can do. Secluding yourself from them won't do any good."

No, there was no point in hiding. Guiltily averting his eyes to gaze once more at the water, Éomer bit his lip.

"I do not want to burden Lothíriel with these things. She knows what happened, but what good would it do if I told her about the faces of the dying people and their agonised screams? Having her share my nightmares would not be the source of comfort I seek."

Not taking offence at his evasive stance, Elrond stepped up the young king to likewise look into the nightly valley.

"Yet these are the very things which torment you, Lord Éomer. By holding them inside, they will never cease to haunt your thoughts. Set them free, and they will gradually vanish. They will wander away like horses let out of a corral."

Despite the bleakness of his thoughts, Éomer found himself smiling at the Elf Lord's imagery. He turned his head.

"I appreciate your effort of choosing images a Rohirrim such as myself can understand, Lord Elrond, and yet I must admit that I am sceptical. These horses, to use the image you've created, like to stay where they're being fed. Why should they leave?"

Elrond did not return the faint smile.

"Then you'll have to stop feeding them," he replied cryptically. "Or, better yet, you need to put them to work. Make them work hard, so that they want leave on their own accord."

Éomer furrowed his brow.

"I am not sure I understand."

"These memories which are haunting you, they thrive because of your denial. In the daytime, you lock them away and pretend they don't exist, but each night, they escape your control, and the result is that you are out here with thoughts running through your head of drowning yourself in the river."

Éomer frowned. So Elrond knew everything.

"And now you suggest that I tell Lothíriel of how I am responsible for the annihilation of almost an entire village and more than half an éored? I knew these men for most of my life, and they trusted me. They died freeing me from Wormtongue's clutches. They were murdered by hideous creatures in the most gruesome ways, and part of my éored was swept from a mountain into an abyss by an avalanche. The people of Isèndras... they lost everything in the riot! They did it to free me, and for that, those monsters burnt their village to the ground and killed everyone in their path, not caring whether it was man or woman!" Involuntarily, Éomer had raised his voice at the elven lord, and only now that he was running out of words did he notice. Embarrassed of his bad conduct, he cleared his throat. "I am sorry. I didn't mean to..."

"See, you _can_ talk about it," the Eldar said instead, oblivious to the sharp tone of his guest. "It is a beginning. Tell _her_. She wants to help you, and you need it. She believes that you don't trust her, and it is paining her. You'd have to be blind not to see it."

"Did she talk to you about it? Did she complain to you?" The thought that Lothíriel might have confided in someone else about this business caused a brief flash of jealousy in him, even if Éomer knew that it had been he who had driven her to this desperate measure. And yet Elrond shook his head.

"You know better than to ask me this. It would be a breach of trust Lothíriel would never commit… and yet her silence and posture gives her away regardless. Her sadness is like a beacon. Cure her of it, Éomer of Rohan, and cure yourself at the same time. This is the best advice I can give you." He fell silent. His intense gaze still on his opposite, he added: "Here is your chance, my king, for your wife is approaching."


	2. Lothíriel

**CLOSER **

**Chapter 2: Lothíriel**

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He was not there when she woke, the blanket on his side of the bed cold to her touch. Her eyes resting on the disturbed sheets without really seeing, Lothíriel sank slowly back into her pillow, a soundless sigh escaping her lips as a well-known coldness settled into her stomach. She should have grown accustomed to this way of waking by now, she admonished herself, for it had been the same almost every night since their arrival, and even back in Meduseld. Only a short while ago, she had still heard Éomer's reassuring voice, and now he was gone. Once again haunted by the horrors he dared not to share with her.

Lothíriel closed her eyes in a vain attempt to fight the feeling of jarring helplessness which was rising in her. It was no secret to her where to find Éomer, and neither was it that he wanted to be left alone. Yet what was her purpose as his wife, if not to help her husband in this time of need? The oath they both had taken demanded from them to be there for each other in good times and in bad times. She was ready and more than willing to be there for him now, and yet he stubbornly refused to let her in.

In the course of the first weeks at her new home, she had obeyed Éomer's unspoken wish to deal with the pain of his soul alone. Hardly knowing her husband then and having yet much to learn about proper conduct at the Rohan court, Lothíriel had at first accepted that it was not her place to ask about the shadow which wandered over his handsome face whenever he deemed himself alone. She knew how difficult men could be in their denial, be it physical pain or mental anguish; as a sister to three older brothers, it was a phenomenon she was well acquainted with. It was a matter of pride for every warrior to deny their weakness, and while Lothíriel understood part of that urge, it could also be infuriating. Why was it that men always thought they'd have to brave all hardships on their own and carry the world upon their shoulders, instead of just accepting help that was willingly offered?

Her gaze travelled back to Éomer's pillow. What was she to think? From the tellings of her father, she had perceived a notion of the immense sense of pride of the Rohirrim King long before she had met him. And when she had finally stood before him and looked into those large brown eyes, which had at the same time been intimidating and inspiring in their self-confidence and determination, she had felt proud herself of her soon-to-be warrior king-husband. But where was that self-confidence now, that unspoken promise that he could master whatever came his way? The man she was spending her time with at this ancient city of the elves, was but a shadow of Éomer's old self. Where had her warrior gone?

With the weeks after her wedding passing and the king's state of mind deteriorating to the point where he frequently woke them both in the middle of the night by tossing and turning and uttering anguished groans in his sleep, Lothíriel had finally taken her heart into both hands and dared to ask the forbidden question… and had found herself running into a wall. They were only dreams, Éomer had said curtly, and clearly not wanting to talk about the subject. They were unpleasant, but harmless, and they would pass with time. His voice had been firm, but a brief flicker of doubt in those dark eyes had belied his true feelings even as he spoke.

It had been this flicker which had worried her more than anything else. If one thing was known about the people of the Mark, it was that they never lied, and yet Éomer had lied straight into her face. Lack of experience in this art had betrayed him, and yet Lothíriel had found herself at a loss as to what to do with her worrisome knowledge.

Deciding that this was not the way things could go on between them, she stood up and slipped into the thin robe she wore within the confines of their chambers. The elves never slept, but even so, they would most likely be in their own chambers at this time of night, resting, and even if she met any of them, they would be too polite to intrude or comment on her inappropriate dressing. Not that it mattered to her. She had more important things to do right now than care about her clothes… like saving her marriage, even though it was only four months old. Silently she made her way to the door, all the while asking herself what she was supposed to tell Éomer when all her pleading before had not succeeded in penetrating the wall he had built around himself. She was afraid of the confrontation. Either tonight would be a turning point for the both of them, or… The answer would not come to her. What if she failed again? What if she would have to realise tonight that all that was possible in her marriage to Éomer of Rohan was a life of pretence? A display of fake harmony acted out for their people, when in reality, they were living side by side without understanding, without closeness, and without … love? Her lips tightened to a grim, bloodless line. She would sooner die than live a lie.

Fear of the vision in front of her inner eyes accelerated her steps as if she could run from it. And yet, as she reached the terrace, Lothíriel found something unexpected, and it caused a flicker of hope to shine through the bleakness of her thoughts: Éomer was there by the railing, but he was not alone. Her heart jumped into her throat as the Elf Lord next to him slowly turned to face her with a knowing expression. For a few heartbeats, their eyes met, and she knew that he was passing on a task to her. This would be a first, most serious test for the Queen of Rohan, with a goal no one else could achieve. As Elrond passed her on the way back inside to leave the couple the needed privacy, Lothíriel inclined her head in an almost imperceptible nod to tell him that she understood , and then shifted her attention back to her warily waiting husband.

The atmosphere seemed decidedly unreal to her as she hesitantly stepped out into the opening. The mighty voice of the river and the fine spray of water that reached them even up here, a sparkling mist of myriads of diamonds in the silken darkness, set aflame by the light of the moon, they led her to question whether she was really awake or walking through a dream land. There were other voices around them, too, the soothing song of the wind and the hushed sound of nightly birds as they passed above their heads. At night, the magic of Imladris was breathtaking, and Lothíriel would have liked to stop and appreciate it, but it was not what she had come for.

She sought Éomer's gaze. His expression was one she hadn't seen so far, reluctance and at the same time insecurity written in his dark eyes which told her that she might have a chance, if only she found the right words and managed to keep her up-welling emotions under control. Right now, they would only hinder her from achieving what she set out to do. Perhaps she had to be cruel to force the strong, but wounded warrior in front of her to see the light. A few strides apart from him, Lothíriel came to a halt. Her posture was regal and erect as she stood in the unreal moonlight, her slender fingers clenching the collar of her robe the only sign giving away the tension she felt as she braced herself for the confrontation.

"You told me you would never leave me, Éomer. Yet when I woke, you were not there. I did not dream those words, did I?" He said nothing at that, and an edge crept into her voice, a hint of accusation, as she lifted her gaze to look him straight into the eyes. "How many more times will I have to wake up in the middle of the night to find your side of the bed empty and cold, and know that you would rather share your desperation with the moon than with me, your wife? How long do you mean for this to continue?" She fell silent, longing for comfort in Éomer's strong arms, but reluctant to take those last few steps over to him. He would have to be the one taking them this time; it could not always be she who did all the yielding. The hurt in his expression pained her, but she could not help it now.

"I told you why, Lothíriel. It is for the best. It is not necessary for us both to suffer from nightmares. This will pass. I just need more time."

His words made her furious, and she could no longer hold the anger she felt inside, as her voice hardened.

"How much more time are you asking for then, my lord? This has been going on for months, and from what I have seen, it is getting worse, not better. Do you honestly think seeing you suffer does not cause me nightmares as well? Do you think that I can spend my days in joyful bliss despite seeing the dark circles underneath your eyes and your haunted expression whenever I look into your face? What do you take me for, Éomer, that you would think I could ignore your plight? Do I deem you as a cold, heartless person?"

Taken aback by her unexpected forcefulness, Éomer took a step forth, wanting to take her into his arms and thus end the argument he had successfully been avoiding for so long. But she stepped back, thus denying him the easy solution. Sighing, he shook his head. Why could she not have slept on?

"Do not put words in my mouth I haven't said, Lothíriel. I stated my reasons quite clearly, I believe, and repeatedly so. I know that you are a warm-hearted and sensitive person; one who always has an open ear for everybody, be they of royal blood or of the ordinary folk. This is how you won over the people at Edoras. It is part of how you won me over. But it is also this very sensitivity which made me decide the way I did."

She lifted her chin in defiance, not shrinking from his harsh tone.

"You think I know nothing about the ugliness of battle? Or about what war does to people, is that it?"

"You've spent your life at your father's court, which, from what I know, was a sheltered haven even during the dark years. You cannot know."

"And there you would be wrong, my lord," she replied heatedly, infuriated by his ignorance. The knuckles holding her robe together turned white, so hard was she clenching her fingers in the fabric. "Dol Amroth was no isolated island, floating in another realm removed from the concerns of the rest of Arda's people. We, too, were in the midst of the war, and attacked more than once by the corsairs and the minions of the Dark Lord. My father and my brothers are captains of our army, and battle called them away more often then they were at home. They, too, have seen horrible things, Éomer! Things that shattered them, things that made them question the gods we believe in. How often have I held my brothers in my arms, trying to comfort them after they returned from a battle they couldn't win, or only at a high cost. Often, the tidings of the invasion came late, and when they arrived at the attacked villages, there was nothing and no one left to save. War left its mark on all of us, whether you will believe it or not!"

"But you-"

"I've seen what happened to the people with my own very eyes, Éomer! My hands were reddened by their blood! And yet you are accusing me of ignorance? Do you honestly believe that the Mark was the only land that was ravaged by the war?"

Éomer listened to her forceful rebuke silently, inwardly cringing at the awkwardness of their argument. He did not want to fight with Lothíriel. Why could she not let it go? And yet he found that her words had woken his interest. Surely his friend Imrahil had not allowed Lothíriel to leave the sheltered city in those days of uncertainty, had he?

"I am not accusing you of anything, Lothíriel, except perhaps intruding when I told you to leave me alone. But tell me what you were speaking of now."

"I saw the victims of the closer settlements, whenever they were brought to the city for treatment. There were too many for the few healers in the villages, so they brought them to Dol Amroth on carts or horses, provided they were strong enough to ride. I felt so useless when I saw them. I wanted to help them, so I went to assist the healers. They were treating people who were burnt beyond recognition, people with gaping wounds, or whose limps they had to take off because they could not rescue them. I could only do little things, like handing over instruments or bandages to the healers, or organise that they would be brought fresh supplies of healing herbs, but I saw the damage done, Éomer, and I saw it up close. For days I would sit with the wounded, talking with them and trying to relief them of at least some of their pain. I made promises to dying people I knew I wouldn't be able to keep, just to give them some piece of mind. I know the face of war personally, my lord, so don't take your wife for a pampered little princess who has only looked up into the skies to admire the birds, while the ground she was treading upon was saturated with blood. It would be most insulting to me."

The silence following her outburst was deafening. Éomer's mind reeled with the new revelations, as the delicate woman in front of him, a woman he had believed to be familiar with by now, unveiled a very different side to her personality. Once again, her frail appearance had fooled him. He could only shake his head in consternation, and his voice was rough when he said:

"I … I apologise, Lothíriel, if my words insulted you. I most certainly did not mean to. I just…" Bema, why was it so hard to say it out loud? And why did he feel so awkward around her all of a sudden? "It may sound strange to your ears, but I… I did not want to have your purity soiled by the ugliness of this world." There, it was out now, and heat crept into his face in anticipation of her reaction. He had never been good with words. In his times as a Rider of the Mark, women had battled for his attention because of his rank, and because of his physical prowess. Because of the reputation of the famous Rohirrim. They had never expected poetry from him.

Her expression softened as she heard his words, but her expression was sad.

"But I am not the innocent creature you believe me to be, my king. You want to put me on a pedestal, but I do not fit there. You have this idea of innocence and purity, almost of sanctity, but it does not exist! Not even the Valar themselves would match your ideal! They've led wars, they spilled blood. No being could ever come close to what you want, Éomer, you must let it go!" And suddenly, she found herself in his arms, not even knowing whether it had been she who had taken those last steps separating them or he. His touch felt so good, but she could not afford to let herself be distracted when they were at the heart of their problem.. "Éomer—"

"I do not want to see you getting harmed, no matter in what way," he declared forcefully, almost desperate. "Please, understand it, Lothíriel. With Éowyn far away in Ithilien, the last of my kin is gone. I am alone. I could not take losing you, too."

"But you cannot lock me into a cage, Éomer. And you cannot stop the world from hurting the people you love by trying to shut it out. In fact, you are making it harder for them to survive it if you force them to meet it unprepared." She caressed his face, her eyes pleading. "Don't you see, my love? If I knew nothing of these things, how could I ever defend myself if destiny found me despite your efforts? Strength comes not from ignorance, Éomer, strength comes from experience. And I am experienced in these things, whether you like it or not. Make use of my knowledge! Confide in me, and let us both overcome this. Emerge from this experience stronger than you have been, and let me help you on that path. You don't have to be strong for the both of us; I've got my own strength to add. And together we will be invincible. Éomer? Please?"


	3. Together

**Author's Note:**

_I truly did not see this one coming! I had no idea I would ever finish this little piece, but somehow, it suddenly started talking to me again. Which is all the stranger as it is a very atypical piece for me (I usually prefer dark action pieces to romance). Still I'm happy that I got another story finished and I hope you will enjoy this final chapter about the royal couple's beginnings._

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**Chapter 3: Together**

Morning was already approaching when finally, Éomer finished telling his tale. The moon had wandered far over to the west while he had talked, and while the stars were still visible, their brightness was already lessened by the approaching daylight. Slowly the mountains that surrounded the ancient city of Elves were gaining contrast against the sky, and the swelling concert of bird songs around them announced to the lonely couple on the terrace the beginning dawn.

He should have been dead-tired, Éomer briefly wondered as he woke from his reverie long enough to acknowledge those first messengers of the new day, but it wasn't so. Instead, the way he felt was hard to describe. He had talked for a long time, hesitant at first, and still sparing Lothíriel the most gruesome detail of his captivity, unless she had asked for them... which she had done repeatedly. It had struck Éomer as uncanny how his wife had interrupted him whenever he had left something out for fear of confronting the pain the images evoked in his mind.

The great pastures of the Méara-valley, saturated with the blood of their precious horses. His last eye-contact with his best friend Èothain, just before the deadly bolt had found him. How the Uruks had thrown his marshal's bloodied, broken cuirass in his path the next day and laughed at the sight of his anguish. There was so much. But nothing like the memory of those people at Isendras, how they stood in the way of Grima's army with their pitchforks and clubs, and only few with bows, spears or swords; behind them the raging fire. They knew that it meant their death if they didn't let that army pass, and yet their outrage at his treatment had swept all considerations for their own safety aside. The Uruk-hai had slaughtered them, and while they had bought him this precious chance, he had attempted to flee.

Burning shame accompanied that memory whenever his mind swept up the images. Dozens had died brutally, so that he could escape. Heat was flushing his face even now at the thought. Sending others to their death to save one's own hide was the ultimate act of cowardice, and had he been in his right mind then, he would sooner have died in the most horrible way than living with the knowledge that his life had been bought with those of his people.

"Éomer?" Lothíriel's voice woke him from his dark thoughts. He turned his head, aware by her tone that she had said something to him before.

"Aye?"

"You were not listening to me, were you?"

"I am sorry, Lothíriel. I was just…."

"You do not need to apologise, leofa. I understand how difficult this is for you. And I cannot begin to tell you how honoured I feel that you finally trust me enough to tell me." Her hand, which was tightly entwined with his, gently squeezed his fingers in affirmation, her expression through all the compassion and sorrow she felt at his recollection encouraging. With a sigh, she leaned back against the bench. "Through the messenger and through your letter, I knew of course about your captivity, but only now can I begin to fully comprehend what you went through last fall. How horrible it must have been. Yet I wonder…." She interrupted herself, suddenly not sure whether she should continue. He furrowed his brow.

"Yes?"

"Please, do not take this the wrong way, Éomer. But I can't help wondering… what you have just told me sounds horrible. Horrible enough to give any man nightmares. Yet you must have seen so many horrible things in your life… so much death, and destruction, and blood… and yet it was only now that you broke. Was it the mass of things? Or… I don't know, the way my father described the battles for Minas Tirith and at the Black Gate to me, it sounded like something that would have given me nightmares for all eternity, and yet apparently, those were not a problem for you. But now—"

"Oh, they did give me nightmares," Éomer confessed. Now that he had begun to open up to her, talking about such things was suddenly easier. "I do not know how often I saw Éowyn lifelessly strewn on the battlefield, or how that demon dropped from the sky to kill my uncle. But those dreams faded. Seeing Éowyn alive and truly happy for the first time since our parents died healed us both, I suppose. I cannot thank your cousin enough for this gift. As for Théoden-King… even if his end was violent, it was an honourable death... a warrior's death. It was what every man of the Mark would wish for himself even if dying in one's bed at home might be easier."

"And you would be no exception, of course," Lothíriel said with the faintest hint of a smile. "You also would rather be eaten by a dragon than simply not wake up from your sleep, I presume."

Éomer knitted his eyebrows. Was that even a question?

"Of course! Would it be different in Gondor? I believe not."

Lothiriel nodded, satisfied that the picture of her husband that she had in her mind was becoming clearer and clearer... and at the same time, she felt her respect and affirmation for their union grow. Her father had been right to give her to this man of such strong principles.

"Then tell me one thing, my mighty warrior-king: If the battles against the Dark Lord faded away, what is it that gives you no rest about your own captivity?"

Staring at her, Éomer considered her question. The answer, once he thought it through, was astonishingly simple.

"That others suffered because of me. They lost everything – their home, their limbs or even their lives, because I let myself be fooled by our enemy."

Lothiriel nodded.

"They died to protect their king. But wasn't that, too, a worthy cause? Would not you have been content to die in protection of your ruler, as well, before you became king yourself, Éomer? If death in battle for a noble cause is what every warrior wishes for himself, why should not the same hold true for the simple people? Do they not have the right to choose what they die for?"

"But it is not right!" Éomer argued, and he jumped to his feet, too restless to remain seated. For a moment, he stared at the waters below, before he turned around to face his wife. "They should not have been the ones to bear the brunt of Wormtongue's fury, when his business was with me."

"No, I agree." Lothiriel did not shrink from his angry gaze. Slowly but firmly, she shook her head. "But this was your foe's doing, not yours. And you punished him for it. You avenged your people, my Lord. If there ever was a debt to be paid to your people – which I'm sure they see differently – you already paid it by killing the man who made them suffer. I am sure those people who died defending you are looking down on you from wherever they are with a glad heart. Could there be a better cause to give one's life for than the rescue of one's king? You protected those people for so many years as a rider and marshal; could it not be, in fact, that by protecting you, _they_ were paying their debt to _you_?"

Her words left Éomer speechless for a moment. Where in Eorl's name had that young woman gathered such wisdom over the finer aspects of warfare? As a protected princess at a Gondorian court, how could Lothiriel know what violence and fear did to the human mind, and how the thought of retaining one's honour made it all bearable? He gave her a little appreciative nod.

"The simple folk already pay their debt by feeding our people. It is not their business to take up arms against an enemy; that is what the oath between the Armed Forces and them is about. They do their share for the good of the Mark, which is the hard work on the fields; the riders' responsibility is to protect them."

"And yet it would appear to me that the two cannot always be separated, my Lord." Lothiriel inclined her head. "Sometimes, those who provide protection need protection themselves. It is nothing to be ashamed of."

A long pause ensued, neither of the couple knowing where to go from here. And yet it felt good to finally be able to speak about such delicate things, and somehow it seemed to Éomer as if at last, a burden was being lifted from his soul.

"It appears to me that I should apologise to you, Lothiriel," he quietly continued, his gaze on the waterfall before he turned his head to look his young wife deep in the eye. His words were accompanied by a smile, but it was a sad smile. "All I wanted was to protect you from the ugliness of war, when you already know so much about it."

Lothiriel rose to her feet, and the expression on her face was one of relief? Was the crisis over then? After months of silence and anguish, was this the breakthrough they had needed? With a warm smile, she took the step that separated her from her husband and embraced, then kissed him, before she rested her head against his good shoulder. How good this felt!

"There was no way you could have known, Éomer, and I do realise that other daughters of noble houses may not have shared my experiences. Please, let us end our quarrel, and let me help you. Do not become the third man I lose, for I could not take it." She bit her tongue, but the damage had already been done, for she could felt him recoil from her embrace. "I am sorry. I did not mean to-"

He looked thunderstruck as he stood before her, hand working by his sides in sudden anxiety without their owner being aware of it.

"What do you mean, 'the third man' you lose? Were you married before?"

Now it was she who could not stand his inquisitive gaze. Hastily, Lothiriel turned away from him and laid her arms onto the stone embrasure, while she stared at the sparkling water below. Oh why had she said that? How was she supposed to make him understand?

"Lothíriel? Answer me!"

She felt his proximity, but didn't dare turn around. The words seemed too big for her throat to utter them aloud, and when she finally managed to squeeze them through, what reached her ears did not sound like her voice at all.

"I was betrothed twice before. But not married. Both men left me before anything could have happened." Gathering all her courage, she looked over her shoulder. Éomer looked devastated. "I am sorry, Éomer. I should have told you, but I thought that it was of no importance. Years have passed since then, and I haven't been with any other man afterwards. I was also untouched before I married you, so why should it matter? Have you not been with anyone before me? Am I truly your first woman, if not your first love?"

He was stunned.

"You should know by now that I love you, Lothíriel. If nothing else, you should know this much at least."

"But you did not love me enough to trust me with your feelings."

"I loved you so much that I did not want to burden you. But you not telling me about this-"

"But I want to be burdened!" she shouted, no longer caring whether anyone heard them. "I want to be able to understand you; I want to be able to lift those sorrows off your soul; I want you to trust me, Éomer! Is that so hard to understand?" She all but screamed at him, no longer worrying what their hosts would think if they overheard their quarrel.

Now her husband turned away brusquely, and Lothíriel silently cursed the man's stubbornness.

With a deep breath, Éomer forced himself to ask: "What happened? Why did these men not marry you? You want me to trust you, then you should tell me the truth, as well."

A shadow travelled over Lothíriel's face. He was right. It was only fair that she told her husband the truth about her past, even if recounting the dreadful events would rip open the poorly healed wound in her heart again. She began anyway, her voice sounding thick and raspy with remembrance.

"My first betrothed fell in battle. He was a young Gondorian nobleman, and I was very much in love with him. I was sixteen, and our wedding was supposed to take place after his return." She inhaled deeply, and her expression hardened. "But he didnot return. He died defending Anfalas from the corsairs, along with many others. It was a massacre, and our foes penetrated far into the land before they could be stopped at last. His body was never found, but Erchirion saw him fall. As future brothers-in-law, they were fighting side by side when it happened. They were holding the city gates when the corsair reinforcements arrived and swept through their defences. After the battle, Erchirion tried to find him and bring home his body, but the battle had raged so severely, there was nothing left for him to take home."

She fell silent, even though Éomer had done nothing to interrupt her. The years had dulled the pain of the memories, but they were still there. Only vaguely did she feel her husband's gaze on herself while she struggled to tell him more. "The other man I loved… he truly left me. He was a prince of a southern Gondorian providence, twelve summers older than I. He was handsome and charming, every inch a lady's man. He had the whole court enamoured to him. My father would have gladly granted him my hand, and I felt fortunate to have been chosen by him… but as it turned out, he had not chosen me at all, because he never returned from one of his travels."

"Another battle?" Éomer's former harsh tone had softened, but Lothiriel barely noticed.

"No," she said flatly, only barely succeeding in holding back the flood of emotions which threatened to overcome her at the thought. "Another woman. He married someone else, only months after our betrothal. We only found out when one of our captains saw them together in Anfalas." With betrayal in her eyes, she stared at Éomer, who was at a loss for words. "I do not know whether you are familiar with that feeling yourself, Éomer, but if you are not, trust me, you do not ever want to feel this way. It was like an arrow through my heart. I thought I could never love again."

He knew that his question was of the utmost insensitivity, but he had to know.

"And then you married me. Why, Lothíriel? Surely it can't have been for love." He had avoided this discussion for months, but everything seemed to be called into question tonight. Where would they stand with the first light of the morning? "Was it…." He did not have to say it aloud, and yet she understood.

"The fear of being left behind while all my friends were wedded off at an earlier age? The fear of being looked down upon by others? Of growing too old for any man to want me? I do not know, Éomer. I think it could have been one of these reasons. Or-"

His expression hardened again.

"I am not certain I want to hear the others."

The slightest hint of a smile played around the corners of her mouth.

"But I believe that you should. How could I love you, when I didn't know you, Éomer? Of course I was afraid to take that gamble. But in the end, I decided to trust my father. He would have never allowed for me to be married to a man who would make me unhappy. After that last failure, he didn't pressure me. He allowed me to take my time, and when I could not find it in me to look for another suitable husband, he claimed that task for himself. When he returned from the Great Battle of Minas Tirith, he told me of a brave young man whom he had come to know. That man had become the king of a fierce people in that fight, he told me. Against impossible odds, they had selflessly charged against the enemy to rescue an ally who had all but forgotten about them, knowing that they were riding to almost certain death. Yet victory was theirs, but at a great price. And my father saw that fearsome warrior-king, who had sent his enemies running with a mere look, break down on the battlefield to cradle his sister whom he believed dead in his arms, crying to the heavens. And he saw him sit by her side despite his own fatigue until she had been rescued from the shadow. He saw him taking care of his fallen uncle in a respectful and solemn manner, and he saw the respect and love of the foreign soldiers for this man, and he heard the words King Elessar had to say about him. At last, he spoke with him himself. And he told me that he had found a man for me who was both powerful and respected by his men and allies, and feared by his foes, and at the same time, capable of great love and compassion for those of his kin and under his care. He knew that this man would never disappoint me… _if_ he agreed to his proposal. My father knows people, Éomer… and I trusted in his verdict." Lothíriel fell silent, and for the longest moment, the King and Queen of Rohan just gazed at each other as if they were seeing the other for the very first time.

Thunderstruck by Lothíriel's words, Éomer felt for a moment that he could not speak. All this Imrahil had seen in those dark days in Minas Tirith? They had depended on each other in battle, but not for a moment had Èomer been thinking of possible implications to his actions. How could it be that this perceptive man had such a high opinion of him, who always deemed himself unrefined and rustic in the presence of Gondorian noblemen? An opinion high enough that he would even trust him with the happiness of his daughter?

Inhaling deeply, he tried to focus on the task at hand. Lothíriel had been utterly sincere in her answer to him, and she deserved to be treated with the same honesty.

"When your father first made that suggestion…" he inhaled deeply, knowing how unflattering his words would sound. "… I was taken aback." He studied his wife's expression, yet could not read anything out of it. If Lothíriel felt insulted, she was hiding it well. "Do not misunderstand me; it had nothing to do with you. It is a foreign idea to a Rohir to marry a person one has never met, solely for political implications. We are a simple people; we do not like complicated things. The nobles marry the nobles, and the ordinary folk remain among themselves, but apart from that, there are no further considerations."

"I understand. And I can see how the Gondorian way of arranged marriages can seem strange to someone from a different culture. But I like the Rohirric way. It sounds more romantic."

He lifted an eyebrow.

"I do not know about that, but it is the only way I know, and the only acceptable way, too."

"And yet you agreed to marry me. Why, Éomer? Because you felt a duty to my father and did not want to insult him?"

What he had to say was hard to tell. He not even fully comprehended his decision himself, so how was he supposed to make her understand? There had not been a fervent counsellor pushing him to that decision. Yet why had he agreed to the greatest gamble in his life? The truth, he realised, would not be flattering to Lothíriel, but she had a right to know.

"This may also have played a part in it, aye, but rest assured that I would not have agreed had I not felt that I could trust your father's intuition. The main reason, however…" he inhaled and shook his head helplessly. "I am sorry, I do not know how to say this..."

"You were afraid of being alone after your sister left for Ithilien."

Lothíriel's guess pierced his heart, although her voice had not sounded bitter. How could she know this? Éomer did not know what to answer. He could hardly deny the truth. Yet to his surprise, his wife smiled as she stepped up to him once more, her gaze dreamily on the water as if she remembered something.

"Please, do not take this the wrong way. I did not know you then."

"I am not insulted, Éomer, and I do not blame you. As you might remember, I spent quite some time with your sister before she left. She often told me how hesitant she was about leaving you behind. She told me how close the two of you were, and that the separation would be painful for the both of you. She needn't have told me, for I already knew that from the way you were treating each other. I know that she is the only family left to you, and losing someone so dear must leave a hole in one's soul. You were looking for someone to fill that hole, and when my father made his proposal, you were ready for it." Her gaze pinned him, and in her eyes, confidence in her observation was written. She knew that her words were the truth. "So if you chose me out of desperation, my lord, I will expect from you in the future that you confide in me when you are being desperate." She raised her delicate chin.

Éomer could not help but smile as he took her hands and gently kissed them. Béma, what a woman he had wedded!

"My beautiful Gondorian flower. At first sight, she would appear to be such a fragile flower, and yet her stem seems to be made of steel. I truly apologise, Lothiriel. I grew up with a strong sister, and yet I failed to recognise the same strength in my wife. Truly your father knew exactly what he was doing when he suggested our union."

There was a sparkle of joy and pride in Lothiriel's eyes as she rose to the tips of her feet to throw her arms around her husband and kiss him.

"My father _always_ knows what he is doing. So, let us now make a treaty, my lord," she said with a smile, but her tone left no question that she meant those words. "A treaty between the King and the Queen of the Mark."

Éomer's smile widened with expectation.

"Stating what exactly?"

"That from this day on, there will be no more secrets among us. That from this day on, we will tell each other only the truth, no matter in what regard, be it affairs of the state or our emotions. The King of Rohan will trust in his queen and consult with her so that she is granted the opportunity to speak her mind in these affairs, and in return, the King shall be granted the same right. What say you?" Lothiriel leaned back as far as Éomer's arms would allow her to examine her husband's expression, for a moment afraid that her proposal would anger him. She needn't have worried.

"It sounds like a fair arrangement to my ears," Éomer admitted. "And I vow to honour it as long as I live."

"You do?"

"I do." How happy she looked! Gently, he brushed a strand of her raven-black hair out of her face.

"And I will honour it, as well."

From the corner of his eye, Éomer beheld the silent figure further behind on the terrace that was watching them. Lord Elrond was satisfied with himself, no doubt. And why shouldn't he be? Reconciling a descendant of Eorl's bloodline with his wife against the legendary stubbornness of the men of the Mark was a deed few could hope to achieve, and Éomer felt an enormous wave of gratitude toward his host. Surely now, everything would take a turn for the better.

To confirm his victory to Elrond, the King of the Mark looked deeply into his queen's eyes as he crushed her against his chest. "Then let us seal this treaty as it should be sealed!"

The kiss that followed stole their breath...

**The End**


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